Here’s my reward for your life, that you gave me!

     First day of life-guarding for the summer yesterday and GUESS WHAT? Got my first pull-out. (For those of you dirty minded individuals like some of my friends insist on being a pull-out is when you help a person who cannot swim out of the water when they are drowning.) Now this was special because it wasn't only my first real pull-out, but it was the first one of the year for the entire park!

     To be honest I was a little nervous about this and how it would go, but I saw the girl and I just knew what was going to happen and so I was ready to jump in right away. I'm also glad it happened so early just so that I could get it out of the way.

     On a slightly separate note, that is why I LOVE MY JOB. Not only do I get to be out in the sun all day but I get to help and interact with people basically all day long. And it goes with one of my passions, swimming, which I have loved since I was a baby. (My parents put me in Parent-and-Tot lessons at the tender age of 6 months old, so I'm basically part fish).

     Just thought I would up-date you guys because I was pretty excited about it. There was something else I wanted to right about but I forget what it was so if I remember it will be up on here later. (How I wish I had taken the advice of the song Before I Forget).

Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

RC. There were going to be explosions, he knew it.

I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me I've got The sun in the sky, all the water surrounds me

     So, you're probably expecting an epic blog about something wonderful because of all the time I have blogged in. Well suck it up, I just got lazy. In any case here is a quick update of what has been going on in my life.

- Finished first year of University (pretty good marks too). Went really quickly but overall it was a lot of fun and I learned a lot. (+1 Knowledge)

-Returned to life guarding at Wild Water Kingdom for my 5th *shudder* summer. Doing preseason work right now, already got a good tan (farmers >.>). Soon I'll be starting my actual work which I look forward. (+1 Skill)

-I have been hanging out with a lot of people that I haven't seen in a long time which has been nice. Including all my friends from WWK, many of whom I just saw this weekend and what a joyous reunion it was.
(+1 Socializing)

-Over this long weekend I went white water canoeing. Let me tell you it never gets old. Hopefully I'll have some pics from that when I am sent them to show you guys. Along with that was the fireworks show that yours truly prepared and set off (~$300 worth). That was definitely worth it. (+1 Rugged outdoors man, +1 Pyro)

-Opened up my pool and went for my first swim today after mowing the lawn. It was extremely refreshing which is why swimming has always been one of my favourite things to do.
(+1 Work ethic, +1 Chilling)

    Well that's a quick look into what I have been to for the almost two months since I last posted. I may put in more detail or I may not. I do, however, hope to do another movie quote post after I see Thor (here's to hoping that has at least one worthy quote in it).

If someone says: "That's impossible."
You should understand it as: "According to my very limited experience and narrow understanding of reality, that's very unlikely."

RC. - At the end of the day, you've just got to say it's alright.

Fade To Black

      I was out side tonight at about 1:30am and I had a sudden urge to just walk away. Not go for a walk, but go away. Just walk away into the night and not look back. Start again somewhere else, not caring that I had nothing but the shirt on my back.

     I have this urge occasionally, especially if I go out late at night and am doing deep personal thinking. Maybe it's just me wanting to get away from the problems I have with how my life is playing out and the people in it. And I have no doubt that it could work, but it would also create a whole new set of problems. (Perhaps that's what life is about, finding the set of problems that you can come to terms and live with).

     But then I think "What if the problems I have aren't with my surroundings but with myself?". Because those are the things that no matter how far you run they catch up. No matter how deep they are buried they climb out of the graves you've given them. Often they come back far worse than when you hid them away. And so until you really deal with them they will haunt you and stop you from reaching your full potential as a human and as part of a bigger whole.

     So, the most I ever get to is the "What if?" stage. But in all seriousness that  is exercise in futility. The adage "If ifs and ands were pots and pans then tinkers we all'd be." holds very true. Because I know this I only think about it in a longing for a dream sort of way (if you know what I mean). A - because I know I have the ability to do it an any time I want, I never actually have to do it - type deal.

     As I draw to a conclusion on this post, I'm still not sure what the point of it was. Just to get out a little how I feel about the world around me and how I'm involved in it I guess.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

So tell me, why can't this be love. RC.

Before I die I want to...

     I don't know about you guys but I enjoy going on the internet on sites like Wikipedia starting somewhere and clicking on random links just to see where it takes me and what I learn. It not only is a great way to procrastinate but you may find out some interesting things about your world and yourself while you are at it.

     It's for exactly this reason that I love StumbleUpon. It isn't just full of information like Wikipedia, but it has everything from recipes for desserts, people's art and links to videos on Youtube.  So today I was stumbling after writing my final math exam (hopefully ever) just to kill time and relax when I came upon this website - http://candychang.com/before-i-die-in-nola/.

     Basically this artist (Candy Chang), turned the wall of a derelict (I like that word, maybe it's because of Zoolander, anyways) house into what amounts to a piece of modern art. Allowing people to express what they wanted to do before they die. Some of the responses are funny, some are ridiculous and some are extremely touching. A few of my favourites are; Be tried for piracy (written by a guy dressed as a pirate), live off the grid, tell my mom I love her and truly live and <3.

     I urge you to check the sight out it is really interesting/touching/what have you. If you do check it out think about some of your own and how you could get to be able to do them.

     For me the response to this was pretty amazing and it got me thinking, How can I do something like this?

4 Pictures of the boards from this project.

     That's all for now. I just thought this deserved more than a single sentence as a facebook status or whatever social networking site you use.

Be yourself. No one can ever tell you, you're doing it wrong.

...understand why. RC.

Short Story (Part 2)

     Suddenly he becomes aware of someone standing behind him and he feels his body stiffen in fear.

     

      "GET up soldier. We received our orders. We are to move out and hook up with Delta company. Full kit. Bugging out in 30."

     "Sir, yes, sir." He says after hastily jumping up and saluting sardonically. "And a big old fuck you, to you as well Sarge." Although this is after he is already well out of ear shot, just in case. He doesn't need to be court martialed for insubordination with only a week left in his rotation.

     Only a week more, then he can get back to his wife and child. The only things that truly matter to him. A smile flirts across his face, twitching up his lips only temporarily. It's hard to stay happy in a place like the shit hole he is in. And being happy can distract you and even one distraction can be the difference between life and death out here.

     As he gets into the armored Humvee he is still thinking about them. And why not? His company hasn't even seen any real action.

     "5 Dead in Roadside Bombing" screamed the newspaper headlines the next day. The story went on to give the ranks and names of the dead, and to say that they were only a week away from returning home. 

     "Well, looks like they will be coming home early." He said casually as he tossed the paper into the trash, straightened his tie and went to take his wife and child out for lunch.

That's the end. Feedback is appreciated on the writing itself  or on what you thought of the story.

All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers.
Francois Fenelon

RC.

Conscripted into Life

     I listen to a lot of what some people call 'depressing music' (and a lot of people I know do say this). And sure I know that a fair bit of it probably is, especially to those people who label it that. But as in all art (and in life) things that attract you are things that you can connect with. It's the reason behind different musical tastes and why some people may love a piece of art or a specific poem and others may loathe it.

      People ask me why I want to listen to songs like Duality by Slipknot  or Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. Sometimes they say it in simple ad homonym attacks on the singers vocals, or in actual intellectual discussion about the meaning behind said lyrics and why they are sung how they are.

     For me, personally, angry/depressing music helps me release some of said pent up emotion inside myself, and so is a wonderful form of therapy. Also through the flavour of lyrics in Melodic metal (for example) you can get across emotions that you just can't in Pop or Rap or any other genre of music. Yes they may not be things that some people want to listen to (or the majority for that matter) but that's pretty easily solved by simply not listening to it.

     Now don't get me wrong, I do listen to other music, in fact I listen to almost every type of music there is (not necessarily every artist from said category as that would be nigh impossible). But, sometimes, I just find 'happy' music hard to listen to. Occasionally I just find it more depressing. I just think to myself "These people are TOO happy how can this be fair when so much suffering exists".

     Anyways that's my take on that. in the words of the infamous Jack Sparrow "Take what you want, give nothing back!"

I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

From Duality lyrics.

   You may be conscripted into life, but from then on it's your choice what you do with it. RC

And it's almost like..

Quote is from a great song Knights of Cydonia by Muse

 I just felt like posting this quickly because I had the idea for it so, that's all for now.

We spend more time developing means of escaping our troubles than we do solving the troubles we're trying to escape from.

David Lloyd 

RC.

Short Story

This is the beginning of a short story I decided to start writing. Not totally sure where it is going but I just want to get this up, maybe get some feedback on it, mostly I just didn't want to forget it.

     He opened his eyes slowly, tentatively, as if he was still unsure whether it was something he wanted to do. The light streaming in through the window and onto his face had finally woken him, and now as his eyes opened he felt it pouring into his head like molten lava, searing his retinas and leaving him temporarily blind. As he blinked away the sunspots, he reached for the clock that was normally on his night table. Why wasn't it there?

     Rolling over in the small single cot he presses his face against the cold wall, a shocking difference from the intense heat of the sun, like being pushed into a pool of ice water on a scorching summer day. Lying there with his cheek against the wall a wave of calmness comes over him as he finally grasps the thought that has been nagging at him.

You get what you give, you give what you get
Just the way it's always been.

RC.

Movies!

     Here are a bunch of movie quotes that I find really powerful/interesting. I'll talk about why I find them so, and recommend that you watch each and every one of these movies if you haven't been afforded the opportunity to do so yet. 

 WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS.

A prophecy that misread could have been. So this quote is said by Yoda in Revenge of The Sith. He is referencing that Obi-wan is calling Anakin the Chosen One of the Prophecy, the one who is supposed to bring balance to the force. And really, what is so interesting about this is that by going to the Dark Side he really does. From then on there are only ever two Sith Lords and two Jedi Knights (Until the end of the original trilogy, in which in an ironic twist of fate, Darth Vader kills his own master Darth Sidious). So in a very real way he does bring a balance to the force, just not in the way that the Jedi ever thought of.

The time for honouring yourself will soon be at an end, highness. For me this is one of the most powerful scenes from an extremely powerful movie, Gladiator. Maximus says this line to the emperor Commodus, after Commodus tries to make him attack by saying what his child and wife did as they died. Maximus, ever the soldier, stays strong to the end and utters this line barely louder than a whisper then turns around walking through the barrier of guards that are hemming them in. All this comes right after denying the emperors wish to kill a fallen champion and being hailed as 'Maximus the Merciful".

The only emotion I wish to convey is gratitude. Thank you, Ministers, for your consideration. Live long and prosper. This line is spoken in supreme confidence from Spock in the most recent Star Trek film to the Council of the Vulcan Science Academy. It is made more powerful by the preceding scene which is Spock speaking to his human mother and her saying she will be proud of him no matter what he does. And so when the Council calls this a disadvantage, thereby slandering his mother, he snaps on them (in Vulcan form) only letting emotion show in that last sentence of live long and prosper, which he says with contempt and irony.

We got a black hawk down. We got a black hawk down. Obviously, this one comes from the movie Black Hawk Down. There are already ground troops in the city and after the Black Hawk is hit in the rotor blade. A few of the cut scenes are of soldiers watching the helicopter in it's death spiral. To the actual crash, the scene is shot from multiple angles and as the dust settles and the blades stop spinning the camera zooms out and changes to the grey and white view of a satellite or UAV camera. Then a disembodied voice comes, as if over a radio, to say this line. And although it is supposed to be impersonal you can hear it  crack slightly on the last word, showing just a little of the emotion of the person announcing this crash. Afterward, everything goes into overdrive to try and get to the fallen bird.

Hey, come on, get up. I’m going to get you out of here. I’m going to get you to the docks.

I can’t....It’s too far.

It’s not too fucking far. Get up man. I’m going to get you there; I’m going to get you to your boy. Now this little snippet of conversation comes from a movie that actually stunned me. I was amazed at how well it was put together from script to costumes, from editing to acting, and that film is District 9. Just in general this film was extremely well done, and it is definitely one of my favourites. In this scene Wikus Van De Merwe has just escaped near death using the alien's exo-skeleton battle suit. He see's that Christopher is in trouble but Koobus  yet again mocks him for being week and he runs away even though he has far superior power. As he is running his suits picks up Koobus' voice ordering a mercenary to kill Christopher becuase he won't crack. On hearing this Wikus turns back to help which is when this conversation occurs. It is special because Wikus has finally realized what is more important to him, and that even though he might not make it his last act will be to save Christopher and his son. (As shown afterward when he casually snatches an rpg out of the air to save the ship they are in).

Hi, Joker.

Are those...live rounds?

7.62 millimetre, full metal jacket.

Leonard if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of shit.

I am, in a world, of shit. This is from another great (although depressing) war movie called Full Metal Jacket. Joker hears sounds coming from the bathroom in there barracks in the middle of the night. When he goes in to check out the noise you see Leonard holding a clip of ammo slowly pushing rounds in one after the other and this conversation ensues. Throughout this entire scene you can not only see, but feel the insanity and pain that is harbored within Leonard. And when Hartman (the Drill Sergeant) walks in and tries to handle the situation (very, VERY, poorly) he is shot in the chest. Leonard then proceeds to sit down on the toilet and in one swift move ends his own life as well. For me, this is definitely one of the most powerful scenes because of everything that leads up to it.

Anyways, these 6 are just some of my favourites. I may do a second one like this I jsut didn't want to put in any more right now because this is enough poorly worded drivel for now.

A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.

 Oscar Wilde

 RC.

Death and Life

      Why does wanting something and not being able to have it make you want it more?

     Today I was reading a magazine printed by my University with student publications such as poems and essays. And I flipped to one essay titled Faith, Film, and Funerals. It was about the death of the writers grandfather and her feelings after the fact. This struck a huge chord with me because my Opa died recently (although it was about a year and a half ago it still feels like yesterday that I was just a 12 year old kid playing chess with him). It made me think about how much I didn't know about him, and yes, made me cry (I got a lump in my throat and had to pause while writing this). It also made me think about how much I would like to talk to him even just one last time about himself, and his (up till the end) extremely healthy life.

  

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.  

Albert Einstein

 Two posts one right after the other, isn't that something. RC.

The Paradox of Anonymity

      First of all I'm just going to apologize for not posting for more than a week. I have had stuff I wanted to divulge to the internet, I just haven't been able to find the time or the words with which to do so.

     I'm sure that you, dear reader, have had things that you want to say maybe to someone specific or just in general, but for some reason you find yourself unable. Your lips feel like they have been super glued shut, maybe to save yourself embarrassment or because you don't know if this is how you really feel or how people react.

     To that end websites like Form-spring (and to a certain extent, blogs) are good because you can ask questions or say things safely from behind the dungeon walls that make up the prison, and it is still a prison, of anonymity. You may be getting out feelings Et cetera, but the person that you are talking to still won't know it's you.

     Perhaps it's a step that is needed though. A process that is taken in steps. A build-up like the Pyramids of Giza, so that you may place the final stone which is actually saying it out loud to a person.

Anyways, just some thoughts on this, again take what you will from it.

    You see things; and you say, Why? But I dream things that never were;and I say, Why not? 

George Bernard Shaw

A constricted plant grows up a runt, not complete. Don't let yourself be constricted. RC.

Loneliest Day

Mesmerize the simple minded

Propaganda leaves us blinded

 I was watching the movie Disturbed today and I forgot it had a System of a Down song (Loneliest Day). Both the movie and the song are really good in my opinion. 

Anyways it reminded my of the song Hypnotize, so I posted this picture (which I have the poster of hanging in my room) and 2 of the lines from that song. 

Plus, one of my bro's favourite bands is System so we listened to more.

(I also have a Welcome to the Party poster, a Pulp Fiction poster and an artists rendering of a hydrogen bomb exploding. Who's awesome? That's right)

Enough gloating. I leave you with this

"I'm Barney Stinson, I don't get smitten, I smite!"

B.Y.O.B. RC.

Atrophy of the Soul

The Darker Side

Look in a mirror,

Sneak a quick glance.

You and Another are doing a dance.

Look a bit longer,

And then you will see.

A truth that has been revealed to me.

You and that Person,

Aren’t one and the same.

Forever ensnared in a deadly game.

A fight against what’s locked inside,

A battle against the Darker Side. 

RC.

His name....is Bizbot

I drew this (along with some others) in Biology yesterday. He's pretty cool I guess. I mean he is wearing a suit. I posted the drawings on fb and one of my bro's comment was simply "Bizbot", so that has become his moniker. That's pretty much it for now I wanted to blog but I don't really have any ideas so...leave comments about whatever, they're appreciated.

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.

C.S. Lewis

Yolanda be cool. RC.

Because I can (And I don't have a witty title right now).

I thought this was pretty good, although I'm no expert on poetry (not by a long shot). Let me know what you think.

The Conniving Man

Inside us all, another lies,

He comes unbidden to your side.

With him comes the stench of death,

And thoughts that should be put to rest.

He comes and goes as he does please,

To leave you broken on your knees.

No matter what you do or say,

The Conniving Man is there to stay.

RC.

Zombies of Emotion

    I may do another post today that will actually have some real filling but for now here is a song I like. It's from Cradle of Filth's album Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa. Which until now I hadn't thought too look up what it meant. I'll let you do that if you want. Anyways it's called Forgive Me Father (I Have Sinned). Give it a listen, or don't I couldn't care less.

Forgive me Father, I have sinned
Darkness put her painted claws in me again
Her vision drowns like service wine
Whispered kisses so divine
I was blessed but now I've come undone

Storm clouds roll out overhead
Above their master
End of all flesh, end of all days
Love predicts disaster
In her precious ways

I was burned, a sacerdotal soul
By the Demon Queen of my dreams
Infatuation turned to total control
Her rose was sweet
But her thorns were barbarous

"Love me
And worship me
I'll lavish you and ravish you
  Fulfill all wishes and fetishes too

"Many never want to see
Many never want to know
The truth behind their fantasies
Their deepest needs
Let alone be shown them"

Forgive me Father, I have sinned
Darkness put her painted claws in me again
Her vision drowns like service wine
Whispered kisses so divine
I was blessed but now I've come undone

Nothing left to do but run

Sodom rolls out modern death
On casters ever faster
End of all Flesh, End of all Days
The stars predict disaster
In her bastard ways

"Love me
And worship me
I'll nurture you and hurt you too
  Fulfill all wishes for my sad Aladdin"

She comes to me
Like a sandstorm in an hourglass
A whirlwind of desire
I am hypnotized
To think beyond the pale
Beyond heart-stopping eyes
And sopping thighs
I'm won't to fail

A wicked spell cast over me
Addicted to her utterly
Despite the horrors that gestate
Beneath the beautiful

"I'll grant you life beyond your ken
The envy of all other men
Whatever vice will make you spend
Eternity with me"

Satan's concubine
She makes her crime scenes shine from heaven

Forgive me Father, I have sinned
Darkness put her painted claws in me again
Her vision drowns like service wine
Whispered kisses so divine
I was blessed but now I've come undone

That's all for now. Except this amazing quote.

A few great minds are enough to endow humanity with monstrous power, but a few great hearts are not enough to make us worthy of using it.

- Jean Rostand

RC.

 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

 

Enemy, take one good look at me
Eradicate what you will always be
Tainted flesh, polluted soul
Through a mirror I behold
Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart, but I don't care anymore
Should I regret or ask myself
Are you dead yet?

Sick song from CoB. This type of music isn't for everyone, but I can deal with that.

Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil. - Charlotte Perkins Gilman

RC.

UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!

    Technikore remix of Fireflies by Owl City. 'Nuff said.

Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.

Marcus Aurelius

'Cuz everything is never as it seems. RC.

I listen to an eclectic variety of music.

     Greetings Earthlings. Today I had a line of a song stuck in my head and for the life of me I could not remember what the song was called. However I could remember the tune and it made me realize that it would be really cool if you could put that into Google through a mic and get what you were looking for. Anyways I eventually found it.

      It's a song that I haven't listened to in a really long time. However I still really like it. It's by Chris De Burgh. The song is called The Tower and I think it is really beautiful. The lyrics are below if you do check him out listen to Spanish Train and Rose of England. (Really anything by him)

A great lord came walking through the forest
One morning with a weapon in his hand;
Rich was his castle, he lacked for nothing,
But killing was his plan;
When a white bird flew by she fell from the sky,
Nothing was found, only blood on
the ground, she was gone;

Cursing his fortune,
He turned to the forest to kill once again,
And standing before him was a lovely young woman
With her head hung in pain,
When he saw her his eyes were filled with desire,
He said "I must have her, she must be mine,
She will be mine..."

He offered her silver, he offered her gold,
But she threw it on the ground,
He fell to his knees and he begged her,
"Oh please come with me,
What you wish will be found;"
She said, "Sire, I'll go if you put up your bow,
And spare these creatures, leave them in peace,
You have no need..."

But her words were lost in the wind
His eyes were fixed on a queen
And all he saw was a woman
And all she was, was a dream...
Oh oh...And all he saw was a woman, and all she was,
Was a dream...

He took her and bound her with ropes tied around her
To his castle he did ride;
In the wood was a bower where stood an an old tower
And he threw her deep inside;
Then the birds left the sky and a terrible cry,
Brought thunder and lightning, and rain falling down,
Tears on the ground...

All through the days on her face he would gaze,
For she was lovely as the spring;
No words would she speak but "Leave them in peace",
And some sad lament she would sing,
Oh one day by the door, at the window he saw
A single white feather lying on the floor.
She was there no more...

Now that great lord is dying,
His cold heart is crying for the love of the girl;
For many an hour he has wept on the tower
For she meant more than the world;
And once in the sky, a white bird flew by,
He lifted his hands, he cried out in pain
"Come back again..."

But his words were lost in the wind,
His castle was built upon sand,
And all he has is a memory,
And all he yearns is her hand...
Ah ah ... all he has is this memory,
And all he yearns is her hand.

He's really good and if you haven't heard him you should give it a chance. Listen to it a couple times. It's never a good idea to judge a song on just one listen I find.

 As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.

-Vincent Van Gogh

Imagine what you'll know tomorrow. RC.

Is this your son, who was born blind? How then does he now see?

     Today I was asked by a friend why I was looking to be in a relationship with someone so suddenly. And of course I denied it a little and avoided answering. But it really got me thinking about it. (My thanks to her for that). And so the title - a random line I flipped to in the bible - is quite fitting. I feel like I can see now- however corny that may sound.

     Anyways, I think that for the most part the reason that I want to is to forget about someone else. And getting asked that question made me realize that no matter how much I may want to do that it' really an exceptionally bad idea. It's really up there on the scale of dumbest things you could do.

     However, another reason that I wanted to get in a relationship is because I haven't been in a serious one in a while, and I guess I just want that type of connection again. But again the question made me realize that that type of link with another person can't be rushed no matter how much you want it. And trying to force it never works out. It usually just makes matters worse.

     So I've decided to just chill for a while even though right now I really may not want to, I'm hoping it will be better in the long run.

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Here's to hope. RC.

Reading Is For Intellectual Baddonkeys

He whispered, "Do you love?" 
Somewhere, far across the empty lake, a loon screamed.

     Recently I bought Stephen King's new book Full Dark No Stars, which is a collection of 4 short stories or novelettes, or what have you. Anyways it reminded me how much I like him as an author. 

    What he writes is pure an adulterated horror. For example the quote above is from a short called The Raft which is in another collection called The Skeleton Crew. Even though all these stories are short they still manage too chill you to the bone . Sometimes he takes normal, everyday objects and turns them into things of pure terror. Yes he has some that are about alien/unexplained phenomenon. But a lot are situation's that you could find yourself in, which is the truly terrifying thing.

     One such example of this is the story Survivor Type. It's about a surgeon who get's stranded on an island and ends up amputating a broken ankle. The story goes downhill from there (for the character, not the writing itself). Anyways the last line is - lady fingers they taste just like lady fingers 

     Just like that no punctuation and it is so powerful that it makes you shiver. And, for me, that is the measure of a good horror story. That chill you get running up and down not only your spine but your entire body.

     Anyways, if you like horror (even if you don't) I recommend checking out some of Stephen King's stuff. It is terrifying, but you can't stop. Like an accident that you can't tear your eyes away from.

     Enough of that, and on to another subject. Lent. So far I'm going good with my promise. I've almost sworn a couple of times but so far the counter is still at 0.

     And I realized I haven't talked about hockey in any of my blogs. Naturally, since I live near Toronto I am a Maple Leafs fan (always will be). Tonight, they beat Buffalo 4-3 bringing them a little closer to the place they haven't been in a while - namely the playoffs. I'm trying not to get too excited about it but it would be pretty awesome for them to go through.

That's all for now, unless I think of something more later.

Grab onto my arm now. Hold tight. We are going into a number of dark places, but I think I know the way. Just don't let go of my arm. And if I should kiss you in the dark, it's no big deal; it's only because you are my love.

There are always more tales. RC.

Lent

     What have I gotten myself into? - That was the thought running around in my head like one of those repeating LED signs just after I had shaken hands with one of my friends. I had agreed to something almost unthinkable. I had agreed to go off swearing for lent because apparently not one of my friends has any confidence in me.

     They may have a bit of a reason to, I mean I tend to swear like a wounded pirate. And I'm not talking a flesh wound. I'm talking get out the bone saw and wooden limbs (not just one), type of wounded pirate. Either way it still wasn't appreciated aren't friends supposed to believe in you? (:P)

     SO, now I have 40 days wherein I have to attempt to not swear at all (or as little as possible, lets be realistic). Although I'm dreading this I'm also looking forward to it as a way to maybe better myself.

     No matter how it ends, it's going to be an adventure and a half especially with my room mate (another wounded pirate - what kindred spirits).

And without further ado, a quote: 

 Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw

P.s. Doesn't really relate to the blog but it is an awesome quote, so there.

It’s now or never. Collision with me, myself, and I. RC

Because Aragorn is a BAMF, and the quote fits well.

 

      So, a new friend just told me about this song that the quote is from and I realized that it fit so well with Aragorn. I was debating between this picture and the one were he leads the last battle in front of the gates of Mordor and decided on this one because of the crown, and because it was his destiny. (LOTR nerd - get at me).

     Also, the song is pretty amazing as is the video that goes with it, which can be found at this location - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frhgT5CMpjo. 

That is all, besides this other quote I mean:

"The most ominous of fallacies: the belief that things can be kept static by inaction."

I do not believe this darkness will endure. RC.

The time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted.

     "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." - Theodor Seuss Geisel

     So, instead of being asleep at 2:35am on a school night I am up blogging. Why? Still not exactly sure but I think that it is part of university and life. You do things even though you aren't sure you have a reason to (or at least one that other people would understand). And, ipso facto here I am.

     Anyways, as you can see the above quote is from one of the greatest authors of all time, Dr. Seuss. I found it today while meandering through the website 9gag and I really liked it so here it is at 2 in the morning.

     Other than that this blog doesn't have any really planned content because I'm only up because of how I've been feeling lately about, school, life and friends. Lately, for some reason, every little thing has been eating at me and they are all piling up. So it is nice to be able to get things off my mind on here. 

     Sometimes it's easier to express yourself to strangers then to people you know really well, maybe because you don't care what you think or it's easier to open yourself up. Either way it is wonderfully cathartic.

     This will probably be a part 1 of deal which I will hopefully expand on tomorrow. At a time when I am not so tired both emotionally and mentally.

     Still, I will leave you with a quote:

"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." - John Andrew Holmes

When life gives you lemons make orange juice and keep your friends wondering how you did it. RC

Dawning Realization.

     I just realized today where I may have gotten the idea for my drawing from the other day. I was listening to Apocalyptica and their song Not Strong Enough came on:

I’m not strong enough to stay away,
Can't run from you,
I just run back to you.
Like a moth, I’m drawn into your flame,
Say my name, but it's not the same.
You look in my eyes, I’m stripped of my pride.
And my soul surrenders and you bring my heart to its knees
.
And it's killin’ me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
I’m so confused,So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain.
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if i try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.
And I’m not strong enough to stay away

I'm not strong enough to stay away
What can I do
I would die without you
in your presence my heart knows no shame
I'm not to blame
cause you bring my heart to its knees

And it's killin’ me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
I’m so confused,So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if i try to win the fight, my heart would overule my mind
And I’m not strong enough to stay away

There's nothing I can do
My heart is chained to you
And I can't get free
Look what this love's done to me

And it's killin’ me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
I’m so confused,So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if i tried to win the fight, my heart would overule my mind.
And I’m not strong enough to stay away

     Specifically those red lines reminded me of it. Besides that I really like Apocalyptica because they are a different type of metal band. They play electric classic instruments such as the cello which give them an easily identifiable sound. They also often have guest singers (when the songs actually have lyrics) which is nice because it can change the whole dynamic of a song having, for instance, a female singer for some songs.

     Anyways, if you want to try something different I suggest you listen to them. They have a lot of instrumental covers of Metallica songs and the like. Some of the singers are a little more 'metal' then others but there are some really beautiful songs like Broken Pieces or Hope Volume 2 to name a couple.

     If you do listen to them, I'd like to know what you think.

     And to end it off (as usual) a quote: 

"Respect those friends who find time for you in their busy schedule,but really love those who never see their schedule when you need them."

May the Mass times Acceleration be with you. RC.

Sometimes your heart won't listen to your brain.

      Okay, so I drew this picture while watching the movie Legion (I mean watching in the loosest sense of the word as I was very distracted) with a bunch of people. It's alright I guess, I mean I'm not an arts student or anything (I'm in Health Science) but it goes with how I'm feeling so that's what counts right?

You told me to love you, and I did.
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away, I only kept my scars
The other me is gone
Now I don't know where I belong
And we were never alive
And we won't be born again
But I'll never survive

     The above lyrics are from a Slipknot (I know, I know) song called Dead Memories, which also fits my thought pattern right now in a weird way. Also, the song on my last post is fitting as this is what I had actually wanted to blog about today.

     As to the title of this post; What do you do in this situation? When you feel a certain way about someone and you know in your head that it won't happen, but no matter what you do your heart acts differently. (Side Note: There is a guy on my floor who I cannot stand. This may seem a little random but it relates to the story. And in some ways makes it worse.) When you're around them it beats faster and no matter what you do to control it, it still happens when you look at them.

     
     It makes it hard to be around them, which sucks especially when you are friends with them and you just want to continue like nothing is different but deep inside it's a turmoil. It's your own tiny hurricane Katrina and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, just like the aforementioned natural disaster.

     So, again, I pose the question, what are you supposed to do? Is there anything you can do? Because this situation sucks. Wait, that's an understatement. That's like saying WWII was a minor altercation in the annals of history. It's the worst.

I'll leave you with another great lyric from the unmistakable Coldplay - Fix You:

       

 And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

RC.

P.S. If you want to lose the last modicum of respect I may have had for you, tell me that you slept with a 3rd year girl the first week of school and the treat her like shit. Also, do it while we're in line to be served by her.

Random Ramblings (Part 2)

Stricken by Disturbed

You walk on like a woman in suffering

Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know why your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

Into the abyss will I run

You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

Into the abyss will I run
I can't let you go
Yes I am stricken and can't let you go

     There are a number of reasons that I like this song, the first being that it is good music by supremely talented musicians. Also the music video is simple and not like some heavy metal  videos (say, CoB for example with Sixpounder - incidentally another song I do like) it is mostly of the band with a simple setting. Anyways, my third reason, which may be the most important is that I can connect with it (going to my post from yesterday) and for music that is vital. It's the reason people argue about different types of music being stupid or for mentally challenged people. It's individual taste - and some things just don't appeal to some people. 

     

     Because of this I hate going on Youtube sometimes just because I dread seeing comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the video but are just ripping into other arists or saying something personal about the singer. For instance Cee-Lo-Green had comments on his weight. Christina Perri - comments on her teeth. And of course Justin Beiber (I personally don't like his music). But, my point is that it is utterly ridiculous. Some, people wonder why world peace is such a hard thing to achieve. And on a base level it is right there. People refuse to respect any view other than their own, and it is a disheartening thing to see.

     Once you give up the nervous craving to promote yourself, denigrate others, draw attention to your unique and special qualities, and ensure that you are the first in the pecking order, you experience an immense peace.

(Passage from The Case for God (slightly altered)).

     This, for me, sums up what I am trying to get across to you (whoever you are). Why isn't this simple act possible?

     Anyways, I will delve into that topic another time as it deserves multiple blogs of it own. What I had originally wanted to talk about was not life and the universe but actually myself. But again life throws curve balls, and sometimes you just have to roll with it.

So, I may blog later today on what I had actually wanted to talk about - it all depends on how I feel.

So, I leave all of you with this little poem to think about:

"But man alone seeks Vengefulness,
And writes his abstract Laws on stone;
For this false Justice he has made,
He tortures limb and crushes bone.

Is this the image of a god?
My tooth for yours, your eye for mine?
Oh, if revenge did move the stars
Instead of Love, they would not shine.

Give up your anger and your spite,
And imitate the Deer, the Tree;
In sweet forgiveness find your joy,
For it alone can set you free."

 As-Salaam Alaikum. RC

Random Ramblings (Part 1)

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky. 

- Hafez

     I just realized that most of the time I come on here without the slightest clue about what I want to write about. Then I'll remember something, maybe something a person has said to me, a feeling I had, or quote I've seen. And I will just start typing, not necessarily thinking, because your first words - the ones you actually mean but don't always want to say for a multitude of reasons - are always the most powerful and the most true. Yes, they may be messy, but so are feelings. Anyways this gets me in a very round about way to what I want to talk about which, surprisingly, is love.  

      I discovered this poem (and poet) just a while ago and while some people may say they don't like poetry or think it is stupid, personally I enjoy it(It's like Shakespeare, most people I know disliked reading it, but I loved it). But I digress. I think that this poem is amazing because it is succinct, but far more importantly I can connect with it, it has a deeper meaning.. And personally I think that is what life and, by association, love are all about.

     Love, for me, isn't about give and take. If you have to take then that isn't love. It's about not having to ask because the other person is there for you and yes, sometimes there are sacrifices from both sides. But people always make sacrifices, things that must be lost so that they may give rise to others.

     And I'm not just talking about the" "I want to live with this person for the rest of my life" love. Even in friendships this remains true. Connections with others, yourself, and the multiverse around you are vital. The desire, the need, to be part of something greater than you could ever hope to be on your own.


     Well, I didn't know where these ramblings were going to take me but I'm alright with the end result. So, again I'll leave you all with a quote that I find very fitting, from an incredibly bright man:

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."-Albert Einstein

 Love is waiting. RC

     "Religion is a practical discipline that teaches us to discover new capacities of mind and heart...It is no use magisterially weighing up the teachings of religion to judge their truth or falsehood before embarking on a religious way of life. You will discover their truth - or lack of it - only if you translate these doctrines into ritual or ethical action...Some people will be better at it than others, some appallingly inept, and some will miss the point entirely. But those who do not apply themselves will get nowhere at all."

     This excerpt comes from a book called The Case For God. Now, anyone who knows me may find it weird that I'm reading a book titled thus as I am a self declared Agnostic. However, anyone who knows me well knows that I am still interested in things of a theological nature.

     All that is really besides the point, it is just a little background information. So back to the quote. This particular passage struck a chord with me (although so far the entire book has impressed me greatly) as it is something that I have thought about before although maybe not so eloquently as this.

     Karen Armstrong (the author) also examines religion from a different point of view. One that I think that I would actually be able to stand behind, and is for me embodied by this quote.

      "In particular, the meaning of the word "belief" has changed, so that a credulous acceptance of creedal doctrines became the prerequisite of faith, so much that today we often speak of religious people as "believers," as though though accepting orthodox dogma "on faith" were their most important activity." 

      She has managed to make me examine myself and my beliefs within the introduction to her book. Maybe it is through the fact that I have wanted to believe but haven't found a Way that suits me or maybe its because I need something more right now.

     And yes I'm 19, but you're always told that University is the place to re-invent yourself. And I know that in my (almost completed) first year at WLU many things have changed about me, from the way I act to how I think. Anyways this book has made me realize that I have some serious thinking to do.

Its never too late to change. RC