Fade To Black

      I was out side tonight at about 1:30am and I had a sudden urge to just walk away. Not go for a walk, but go away. Just walk away into the night and not look back. Start again somewhere else, not caring that I had nothing but the shirt on my back.

     I have this urge occasionally, especially if I go out late at night and am doing deep personal thinking. Maybe it's just me wanting to get away from the problems I have with how my life is playing out and the people in it. And I have no doubt that it could work, but it would also create a whole new set of problems. (Perhaps that's what life is about, finding the set of problems that you can come to terms and live with).

     But then I think "What if the problems I have aren't with my surroundings but with myself?". Because those are the things that no matter how far you run they catch up. No matter how deep they are buried they climb out of the graves you've given them. Often they come back far worse than when you hid them away. And so until you really deal with them they will haunt you and stop you from reaching your full potential as a human and as part of a bigger whole.

     So, the most I ever get to is the "What if?" stage. But in all seriousness that  is exercise in futility. The adage "If ifs and ands were pots and pans then tinkers we all'd be." holds very true. Because I know this I only think about it in a longing for a dream sort of way (if you know what I mean). A - because I know I have the ability to do it an any time I want, I never actually have to do it - type deal.

     As I draw to a conclusion on this post, I'm still not sure what the point of it was. Just to get out a little how I feel about the world around me and how I'm involved in it I guess.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

So tell me, why can't this be love. RC.

Before I die I want to...

     I don't know about you guys but I enjoy going on the internet on sites like Wikipedia starting somewhere and clicking on random links just to see where it takes me and what I learn. It not only is a great way to procrastinate but you may find out some interesting things about your world and yourself while you are at it.

     It's for exactly this reason that I love StumbleUpon. It isn't just full of information like Wikipedia, but it has everything from recipes for desserts, people's art and links to videos on Youtube.  So today I was stumbling after writing my final math exam (hopefully ever) just to kill time and relax when I came upon this website - http://candychang.com/before-i-die-in-nola/.

     Basically this artist (Candy Chang), turned the wall of a derelict (I like that word, maybe it's because of Zoolander, anyways) house into what amounts to a piece of modern art. Allowing people to express what they wanted to do before they die. Some of the responses are funny, some are ridiculous and some are extremely touching. A few of my favourites are; Be tried for piracy (written by a guy dressed as a pirate), live off the grid, tell my mom I love her and truly live and <3.

     I urge you to check the sight out it is really interesting/touching/what have you. If you do check it out think about some of your own and how you could get to be able to do them.

     For me the response to this was pretty amazing and it got me thinking, How can I do something like this?

4 Pictures of the boards from this project.

     That's all for now. I just thought this deserved more than a single sentence as a facebook status or whatever social networking site you use.

Be yourself. No one can ever tell you, you're doing it wrong.

...understand why. RC.

Short Story (Part 2)

     Suddenly he becomes aware of someone standing behind him and he feels his body stiffen in fear.

     

      "GET up soldier. We received our orders. We are to move out and hook up with Delta company. Full kit. Bugging out in 30."

     "Sir, yes, sir." He says after hastily jumping up and saluting sardonically. "And a big old fuck you, to you as well Sarge." Although this is after he is already well out of ear shot, just in case. He doesn't need to be court martialed for insubordination with only a week left in his rotation.

     Only a week more, then he can get back to his wife and child. The only things that truly matter to him. A smile flirts across his face, twitching up his lips only temporarily. It's hard to stay happy in a place like the shit hole he is in. And being happy can distract you and even one distraction can be the difference between life and death out here.

     As he gets into the armored Humvee he is still thinking about them. And why not? His company hasn't even seen any real action.

     "5 Dead in Roadside Bombing" screamed the newspaper headlines the next day. The story went on to give the ranks and names of the dead, and to say that they were only a week away from returning home. 

     "Well, looks like they will be coming home early." He said casually as he tossed the paper into the trash, straightened his tie and went to take his wife and child out for lunch.

That's the end. Feedback is appreciated on the writing itself  or on what you thought of the story.

All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers.
Francois Fenelon

RC.

Conscripted into Life

     I listen to a lot of what some people call 'depressing music' (and a lot of people I know do say this). And sure I know that a fair bit of it probably is, especially to those people who label it that. But as in all art (and in life) things that attract you are things that you can connect with. It's the reason behind different musical tastes and why some people may love a piece of art or a specific poem and others may loathe it.

      People ask me why I want to listen to songs like Duality by Slipknot  or Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. Sometimes they say it in simple ad homonym attacks on the singers vocals, or in actual intellectual discussion about the meaning behind said lyrics and why they are sung how they are.

     For me, personally, angry/depressing music helps me release some of said pent up emotion inside myself, and so is a wonderful form of therapy. Also through the flavour of lyrics in Melodic metal (for example) you can get across emotions that you just can't in Pop or Rap or any other genre of music. Yes they may not be things that some people want to listen to (or the majority for that matter) but that's pretty easily solved by simply not listening to it.

     Now don't get me wrong, I do listen to other music, in fact I listen to almost every type of music there is (not necessarily every artist from said category as that would be nigh impossible). But, sometimes, I just find 'happy' music hard to listen to. Occasionally I just find it more depressing. I just think to myself "These people are TOO happy how can this be fair when so much suffering exists".

     Anyways that's my take on that. in the words of the infamous Jack Sparrow "Take what you want, give nothing back!"

I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

From Duality lyrics.

   You may be conscripted into life, but from then on it's your choice what you do with it. RC

And it's almost like..

Quote is from a great song Knights of Cydonia by Muse

 I just felt like posting this quickly because I had the idea for it so, that's all for now.

We spend more time developing means of escaping our troubles than we do solving the troubles we're trying to escape from.

David Lloyd 

RC.

Short Story

This is the beginning of a short story I decided to start writing. Not totally sure where it is going but I just want to get this up, maybe get some feedback on it, mostly I just didn't want to forget it.

     He opened his eyes slowly, tentatively, as if he was still unsure whether it was something he wanted to do. The light streaming in through the window and onto his face had finally woken him, and now as his eyes opened he felt it pouring into his head like molten lava, searing his retinas and leaving him temporarily blind. As he blinked away the sunspots, he reached for the clock that was normally on his night table. Why wasn't it there?

     Rolling over in the small single cot he presses his face against the cold wall, a shocking difference from the intense heat of the sun, like being pushed into a pool of ice water on a scorching summer day. Lying there with his cheek against the wall a wave of calmness comes over him as he finally grasps the thought that has been nagging at him.

You get what you give, you give what you get
Just the way it's always been.

RC.

Movies!

     Here are a bunch of movie quotes that I find really powerful/interesting. I'll talk about why I find them so, and recommend that you watch each and every one of these movies if you haven't been afforded the opportunity to do so yet. 

 WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS.

A prophecy that misread could have been. So this quote is said by Yoda in Revenge of The Sith. He is referencing that Obi-wan is calling Anakin the Chosen One of the Prophecy, the one who is supposed to bring balance to the force. And really, what is so interesting about this is that by going to the Dark Side he really does. From then on there are only ever two Sith Lords and two Jedi Knights (Until the end of the original trilogy, in which in an ironic twist of fate, Darth Vader kills his own master Darth Sidious). So in a very real way he does bring a balance to the force, just not in the way that the Jedi ever thought of.

The time for honouring yourself will soon be at an end, highness. For me this is one of the most powerful scenes from an extremely powerful movie, Gladiator. Maximus says this line to the emperor Commodus, after Commodus tries to make him attack by saying what his child and wife did as they died. Maximus, ever the soldier, stays strong to the end and utters this line barely louder than a whisper then turns around walking through the barrier of guards that are hemming them in. All this comes right after denying the emperors wish to kill a fallen champion and being hailed as 'Maximus the Merciful".

The only emotion I wish to convey is gratitude. Thank you, Ministers, for your consideration. Live long and prosper. This line is spoken in supreme confidence from Spock in the most recent Star Trek film to the Council of the Vulcan Science Academy. It is made more powerful by the preceding scene which is Spock speaking to his human mother and her saying she will be proud of him no matter what he does. And so when the Council calls this a disadvantage, thereby slandering his mother, he snaps on them (in Vulcan form) only letting emotion show in that last sentence of live long and prosper, which he says with contempt and irony.

We got a black hawk down. We got a black hawk down. Obviously, this one comes from the movie Black Hawk Down. There are already ground troops in the city and after the Black Hawk is hit in the rotor blade. A few of the cut scenes are of soldiers watching the helicopter in it's death spiral. To the actual crash, the scene is shot from multiple angles and as the dust settles and the blades stop spinning the camera zooms out and changes to the grey and white view of a satellite or UAV camera. Then a disembodied voice comes, as if over a radio, to say this line. And although it is supposed to be impersonal you can hear it  crack slightly on the last word, showing just a little of the emotion of the person announcing this crash. Afterward, everything goes into overdrive to try and get to the fallen bird.

Hey, come on, get up. I’m going to get you out of here. I’m going to get you to the docks.

I can’t....It’s too far.

It’s not too fucking far. Get up man. I’m going to get you there; I’m going to get you to your boy. Now this little snippet of conversation comes from a movie that actually stunned me. I was amazed at how well it was put together from script to costumes, from editing to acting, and that film is District 9. Just in general this film was extremely well done, and it is definitely one of my favourites. In this scene Wikus Van De Merwe has just escaped near death using the alien's exo-skeleton battle suit. He see's that Christopher is in trouble but Koobus  yet again mocks him for being week and he runs away even though he has far superior power. As he is running his suits picks up Koobus' voice ordering a mercenary to kill Christopher becuase he won't crack. On hearing this Wikus turns back to help which is when this conversation occurs. It is special because Wikus has finally realized what is more important to him, and that even though he might not make it his last act will be to save Christopher and his son. (As shown afterward when he casually snatches an rpg out of the air to save the ship they are in).

Hi, Joker.

Are those...live rounds?

7.62 millimetre, full metal jacket.

Leonard if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of shit.

I am, in a world, of shit. This is from another great (although depressing) war movie called Full Metal Jacket. Joker hears sounds coming from the bathroom in there barracks in the middle of the night. When he goes in to check out the noise you see Leonard holding a clip of ammo slowly pushing rounds in one after the other and this conversation ensues. Throughout this entire scene you can not only see, but feel the insanity and pain that is harbored within Leonard. And when Hartman (the Drill Sergeant) walks in and tries to handle the situation (very, VERY, poorly) he is shot in the chest. Leonard then proceeds to sit down on the toilet and in one swift move ends his own life as well. For me, this is definitely one of the most powerful scenes because of everything that leads up to it.

Anyways, these 6 are just some of my favourites. I may do a second one like this I jsut didn't want to put in any more right now because this is enough poorly worded drivel for now.

A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.

 Oscar Wilde

 RC.

Death and Life

      Why does wanting something and not being able to have it make you want it more?

     Today I was reading a magazine printed by my University with student publications such as poems and essays. And I flipped to one essay titled Faith, Film, and Funerals. It was about the death of the writers grandfather and her feelings after the fact. This struck a huge chord with me because my Opa died recently (although it was about a year and a half ago it still feels like yesterday that I was just a 12 year old kid playing chess with him). It made me think about how much I didn't know about him, and yes, made me cry (I got a lump in my throat and had to pause while writing this). It also made me think about how much I would like to talk to him even just one last time about himself, and his (up till the end) extremely healthy life.

  

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.  

Albert Einstein

 Two posts one right after the other, isn't that something. RC.

The Paradox of Anonymity

      First of all I'm just going to apologize for not posting for more than a week. I have had stuff I wanted to divulge to the internet, I just haven't been able to find the time or the words with which to do so.

     I'm sure that you, dear reader, have had things that you want to say maybe to someone specific or just in general, but for some reason you find yourself unable. Your lips feel like they have been super glued shut, maybe to save yourself embarrassment or because you don't know if this is how you really feel or how people react.

     To that end websites like Form-spring (and to a certain extent, blogs) are good because you can ask questions or say things safely from behind the dungeon walls that make up the prison, and it is still a prison, of anonymity. You may be getting out feelings Et cetera, but the person that you are talking to still won't know it's you.

     Perhaps it's a step that is needed though. A process that is taken in steps. A build-up like the Pyramids of Giza, so that you may place the final stone which is actually saying it out loud to a person.

Anyways, just some thoughts on this, again take what you will from it.

    You see things; and you say, Why? But I dream things that never were;and I say, Why not? 

George Bernard Shaw

A constricted plant grows up a runt, not complete. Don't let yourself be constricted. RC.